While many are anticipating the holidays to be warm, connecting and fun-filled, there are others who are dreading the political elephant in the room where divergent opinions are a reality. The concerns about conflict and potential relationship impact will be legitimate as some families gather.
Here are some ways to help protect the peace.
- Have a pre-holiday discussion. Consider talking to family members or friends beforehand. Suggest a “politics-free” holiday gathering, explaining that you want everyone to feel comfortable and enjoy the time together. This also could include an agreement to be mindful of alcohol intake.
- Stay focused on common ground. Discussing shared interests, reminiscing about old times and doing activities together can naturally keep the energy positive.
- Be kind. No matter where you are coming from on your perspective, consider what kindness in how you show up would look like, whether you are in the majority of opinion at the gathering, or minority.
- Keep an eye on boundaries. If other conversations veer down a potentially problematic path, gently try to divert elsewhere by changing the subject.
- Remind yourself what’s important. If you are the type that might like to “poke the bear,” ask yourself if it’s truly worth it. Everyone’s emotions are valid and in some cases, they are visceral. If there are guests you know are dealing with difficult post-election feelings, don’t underestimate the consequences of you “joking” with them about something they truly do not find funny. The same goes in the other direction. Does lighting up the situation have a higher priority than preserving the relationship?
- Don’t take the bait. If someone is persistently being inflammatory towards you, take a deep breath to self-regulate, then state firmly that you don’t want to discuss politics. Strike up a conversation with someone else to distract.
- In case of emergency, pull the handle. Decide ahead with your partner, friend or yourself if solo, what you will do if things get unmanageable. If you are with someone, agree in advance on a visual cue that means it’s becoming too much. Perhaps you can take a break from it by sitting outside on the porch for some air, go for a brief walk around the block, or even leave all together, if needed.
If the holidays are a concern and you would like to feel better prepared, I can help you think the the factors and come up with a plan, if the above isn’t enough.
Outside of Marin but in California? Check out my California Online Therapy services.
Not quite ready for therapy but would like feedback and guidance by me? See my online chat Ask Lisa Consultation service on LoveAndLifeToolbox.com.
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