Keeping your marriage safe, healthy and connected require eyes on it over the long term. Couples who come into my therapy practice with high levels of resentment and disconnection often do so partly because they have stopped paying attention and let things brew to an emotional boil.
If you feel things have taken a downturn, refocus on the basics.
3 elements of healthy long term relationships or marriages to look at:
- Brush up (or learn anew) the elements of healthy communication.
Techniques like “I feel” statements, active listening and a clear understanding of what triggers your nervous system (and why) can help you hear and stay present with each other rather without going physiologically offline.
2. Get clear on emotional safety and protecting your marriage in this way.
Ideally, you are the port in each other’s storm. It’s important you both feel heard, understood, prioritized, respected, empathized with and generally cared for. There are things that can derail that.
3. Identify any family of origin issues keeping you in unhealthy cycles.
Your histories matter as core beliefs about yourself and what you can expect from others begin to take shape when you are very young. Getting an understanding of any family of origin wounds playing out in your relationship dynamic will help to disrupt them while providing opportunity for healing through each other (and doing your own work within it).
Learn about other things to consider when needing a marriage reset in my original article, Happy Marriage? Get Back to the Basics on LoveAndLifeToolbox.com.
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If you are interested in improving your relationship, contact me.
Outside of Marin but still in California? Check out my California Online Therapy telehealth services.
Are you not looking for therapy at this time but would like my thoughts on your relationship situation, I also offer one time email relationship consultations via LoveAndLifeToolbox.com.
