Relationship Minute: Trust is the single most important element in your relationship.

Consider how much the presence of absence of trust can impact your relationship?  It’s a critical element of what I often refer to as “emotional safety,” that which ideally
allows for a safe haven in each other.  John Gottman, PhD recently completed another in a long line of books about the research behind what makes or breaks couples.  It’s called, What Makes Love Last?  How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal in which he speaks to the importance of attunement in building trust.

How is attunement broken down into behaviors?  Here is one helpful acronym:

ATTUNE

Awareness of your partner’s emotion

Turning towards the emotion

Tolerance of two different viewpoints

Trying to understand your partner

Non-defensive responses to your partner

and responding with Empathy

Obviously there is more to trust than attunement.  For example, if the trust has been broken in your relationship (infidelity, hiding behaviors, failure to support on important areas, etc) then work needs to be done to repair this.  Without trust, what do you really have?

In my couples therapy practice I help couples find ways to reconnect after trust violations and behave in a more “attuned” way towards each other moving forward.

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