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Relationship Minute: You are not your partner.

Because we all look at the world through our own pair of unique eyes, it’s not uncommon to have totally different experiences and perceptions of life.  This is a result of manyRelationship Minute: You are not your partner. things but particularly the totality of our prior experiences.  We learn and assign meaning to things as we go.  The meaning might serve us well and sometimes it might not.

In your relationship, it’s important to remember that your partner is not you.  People can have expectations that the other should view life in the same way they do and often get frustrated if they don’t.

“How could he think like that??”

“How could she not have prioritized that?  Isn’t it clear??”

Those who have worked with me before have heard me say, “Let each other BE.”  Partially what I mean is to allow room and compassion for the way you each see the world.  In my couples therapy practice, I help couples make space for each other in this way.  In some cases, it’s very difficult for people to really let that sink in.  But it’s an important lesson in the health of your relationship.

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Jennine Estes profile picture
Jennine Estes
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I’ve had the pleasure of working with Lisa Kift for many years, both in previous clinics and with mutual clients. Lisa is a deeply knowledgeable and skilled therapist who brings insight, empathy, and clarity to her work. She has a strong focus on family-of-origin dynamics and how early experiences shape current relational and emotional patterns. Lisa is an active and engaged clinician—she doesn’t just sit back, but thoughtfully guides her clients through the healing process. I highly recommend working with Lisa at Marin Therapy and Counseling. She is a trusted colleague and a true asset to the field.
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Heather Trimble profile picture
Heather Trimble
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I am a strong believer in therapy and have worked with many therapists for over 20 years but Lisa is by far the best. After working with Lisa for the past 5 years, she has been there for me through some of my highest highs and lowest lows. She helps me take a step back and think about situations or problems with a different lens. She has always supported a cadence that worked best for me, starting with once a week and winding down to once a month. I am so thankful to have found Lisa and would recommend her to anyone!

Lisa Brookes Kift is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist #45087
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