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Relationship Minute: Your relationship with yourself is a key component of your relationship with others.

There are a number of signs that can point to a need to “get right” with yourself so you can be right in a relationship; a sense of desperation in relationship-seeking, your mood dependent on partner’s mood, a tendency to pick partners who need to be “rescued,” intimacy problems or a general lack of trust in whether your partner will be there (with no evidence suggesting this).

This is what you can do:  Choose to take a closer look at what this is about.  There are likely good reasons for any of the above including trauma, difficult experiences in your family of origin or general past.  If you are currently in a relationship, a good place to start is couples therapy to get a firm understanding of the entire dynamic at play first.  Your partner plays a role and it’s important to identify this.

If you are single, take the brave step of shining a light into what may be some of the darkest corners of your experience.  The payoff potential is for you and your future relationships.  Typically, the healthier you are, the healthier of a mate you will attract.

My private practice is located in downtown Larkspur, Marin County, CA.